It was not the first time that we went punting but it was the funniest. Neil, Dave and I had tried punting one afternoon the previous year and Neil had fallen in when the punt pole got stuck and we had found that the mud at the bottom of the Cam smelt disgusting.
June 1991 and six of us went. Dave, Andy, Neil, Rose, Helen and me. Dave took us out of Scudamore’s boat house by Silver Street Bridge – he was the best punter but he also wanted to impress Rose as he really liked her (most people like to punt down “the Backs” of the colleges – it is shallow and flat, we had done that and we were off to Grantchester).
(Dave punts – Rose puts bread on the rim of Helen’s hat, rather than feeding the ducks)
We took turns punting and, even though I say so myself, I was second best – though I had had more practice.
(Neil’s technique)
We had lunch at The Green Man in Grantchester, walking past Jeffrey Archer’s house of the way (chanting Monica as we went past – the prostitute he had perjured himself about a few years earlier).
After lunch we got into a water fight with a canoe and chased them until we got to a weir, they got out and carried their canoe away over ground. Neil decided he wanted to go to the toilet so we moored and he got out; then we left him behind. So he ended up in the water even though he did not fall in.
(Neil wades back to the punt and cuts his foot en route).
Rose was a real sport and had a go. She made the normal mistake of holding on to the pole when it got stuck and went into the water. Somehow she managed to make it more elegant that anyone else.
(Rose in the water)
Andy took over punting and messed about – Andy always was funny. He deliberately and elegantly backflipped into the water. He swam back to the punt, complaining that the cabbages on the bottom were grabbing him. We moored up so he could change into his dry clothes.
(Andy rejoins the punt for the first time)
Andy changed and there were now no more dry clothes. When he came to reboard the punt it showed that the mooring was not secure. As his hand held on to the side his feet stayed on the bank and the punt moved away in slow motion. We tried to pull the punt back in but it did not work and he was in the water, soaked again.
Dave punted us back as fast as he could and we drove home. All Andy had to wear was a towel and a baseball cap for the journey home. I took a different route to Dave as I only had to drop Neil. Dave dropped Rose in Wivenhoe and that is how Andy met Rose’s parents – with a baseball cap covering his modesty.
Guru Josh has had success with this more than once – a classic early nineties dance track.
Infinity
Five Miles Out 