Five Miles Out

Our subject isn’t cool but he fakes it anyway

I was vaguely aware of this song but I saw the video way after it was released one afternoon (along with another song that will appear later on in the list) on a music channel in 2000. I was getting ready to go and meet my mates in Covent Garden, so I stopped off at Tottenham Court Road to visit the Virgin Megastore. Now long gone, after Richard Branson sold the chain and it was briefly renamed Zavvi, it is now a huge Primark. In those days Branson was still the scrappy underdog taking on major players like British Airways and HMV. Luckily, they had both the CD singles I wanted.

The evening was a wonderful night – starting at the Nags Head in Covent Garden and proceeding down to the Strand and along, finally getting to Cambridge Circus. Frequent stops were made en route. It must have been a good night as I got back on the tube at Tottenham Court Road to go home, which involved a change at Mile End, just 7 stops. Mile End is underground, at Stratford the Central line goes above ground. I woke up as the train pulled out of a station and, despite the dark, I could see it was not underground. I had gone a further 7 stops and got off at nearly midnight in Newbury Park with a raging hangover already going. (My friend Neil has done worse on the main trainline, missing Colchester and waking up 70 miles from home after the last train back has left).

The cultural appropriation in this video is fascinating. It satirises the tendency of white people to take elements of other cultures and use them to look street or hard. In the film Terminator 2 when they wanted to show young John Connor as a badass, they had Guns ‘n’ Roses on the soundtrack and he was wearing an Public Enemy T-shirt.

It was, and remains, a big thing for white boys (and men) to aspire to a hip-hop lifestyle and fashion to look “hard”, thus perpetuating the stereotype that black youths are street and tough (though hip-hop artists are happy to maintain that). To be fair they also show him appropriating Hispanic culture with the low rider sequence. Sadly the video perpetuates the rap trope of scantily clad women (in the pool scene the women are in bikinis and the men are fully dressed).

I know I am taking a humorous video too seriously. It was directed by McG, who very soon afterwards directed Charlies Angels (the Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu version) and does a pretty good job of making an amusing thriller that was very popular with young women. Maybe more movies with confident, skilled women would be a good idea? The most shameful thing about it (and that was not McG’s fault) is that the only woman of colour amongst the three leads was paid a fraction of what the other two women got. Plus ca Change.

It is a hugely fun movie that holds up incredibly well. If you have not seen you definitely should.

(Pretty Fly) For a White Guy

But I Won’t Go, Go, Go

In 2006 work was close to idyllic. After five years of working for a man whose main aim seemed to be to belittle and cut down his staff (I will talk about him later), I had a boss (Orville Gardener) who was someone you could learn from. I still talk to him even now, despite professionally parting thirteen years ago and him living in Melbourne – absolutely a top bloke, you could hope to work for or be friends with a better man. Even more shockingly his predecessor had told him that I was incompetent and to get rid of me (to be fair he had also said that about all but one of my fellow managers). The only person that he had praised turned out to have been faking data for years and who disappeared never to return when someone spotted the issues. Whether this was just incompetence or lying to make him look good compared to his successor by getting him to get rid of competent people I will never know.

(Orville Gardener)

I had a mostly great team and we were on top of the college’s operations. NewVIc had expanded from being just a 16-19 education establishment to include a nursery, an adult education centre and an Arts Centre. The Department for Education had reviewed finance teams across education in the whole country and had said we were one of the best three in the country.

The problem was that there was no progression at NewVIc. Orville was talking of leaving and so were key members of my team. I needed a higher salary as the two year low rate on my mortgage was about to expire. I decided that rather than having to train a new team and train a new boss (if you do not know you need to train your boss then that might explain why you are unhappy in work) I might as well go somewhere else and at least get paid for it. NewVIc was running without either an Estates Manager or a Student Data Manager, somehow I seemed to be filling a large part of that gap at no cost to the College.

I applied for the job of Vice Principal at Monoux as it came up in the press at the right moment and I needed some interview experience. It was a big jump, bypassing a whole management level in the sector. I completed the application in the throes of a terrible hangover and thought that I would hear no more.

I got an interview – it was to be two days of tests and meetings. There were meant to be four of us being interviewed, but at the last two minute two dropped out (one of whom was Innes Campbell – see the interview piece a few days ago – who had used the interview offer to leverage more money from Newham College).

Day one included a 75-minute interview with a panel of College managers and the Principal (two of the managers thought that they should have the job not me, so that was interesting, as I ended up as their boss). There was a tour with students (actually very important in the sector even though it seems very informal). A financial data interpretation exercise, a lunch meeting with curriculum staff and finally a data handling and mathematical skills test conducted by an external company. This was really tough, there were up to 50 maths questions to answer in three minutes in one part of it – you got a point for everyone you got right and one off for the wrong answer – the examiner said no one ever answered them all, so you had to balance accuracy and speed). There were 7 or 8 of these high-pressure rounds.

I had to go back to NewVic for a Governor meeting and then return the next day for another written test and an interview with the Governors. There were six of governors, including some real industry heavyweights. I was asked by a partner from the accountancy firm KPMG what was my experience with Health & Safety. This was in the job description, but I had deliberately not mentioned it in my application – as I had none. Time slowed down and I thought about bullshitting. Instead I told them that I had no experience and knew little, but I would learn. You could have heard a pin drop in the room. Then it was on to the next question.

I did the final test. I was put in a room hidden away in a building and told to let myself out when I had finished. When I had finished, I could not find the door release switch. After a couple of minutes I thought that this might be part of the test so I was not going to call reception for help. I considered going out of the window, but the only one opened onto bushes and I was wearing my only good suit. I finally found the release behind a filing cabinet and got out. I never found out if it was a test.

As there were only two candidates the best that I was hoping for was that they would re-advertise the job and I would be allowed to try again. So, I was in complete shock when a couple of hours later the Chair of Governors offered me the job. I told him I was honoured and asked for my obligatory 24 hours to consider it, including asking to speak to the Principal about a couple of personal conditions I wanted around childcare.

Of course, I took the job. The one that I only applied for to get interview experience. Thus, leaving NewVIc before all the people whose aim to depart prompted my decision. I went in to see my new boss, Kim Clifford, who told me two things. The Health and Safety answer had actually really impressed the interview panel – they were unused to that level of honesty in an interview and had given more credibility to my other answers. The other was the reasoning test – there had been concern about my result. The firm had run the test internationally for over 20 years and done it tens of thousands of times and my result had been deemed impossible. It was so far up the bell curve beyond anyone else ever that they thought it was a mistake and had to have it checked at head office. I believe that I am still the highest scorer on it across the world by a considerable margin. Sorry for that lack of modesty.

(Kim Clifford)

The next three months at NewVic were like a goodbye tour. People who liked me and I had worked with for 14 years could not believe I was going. Those that disliked me could not believe that I was getting a jump in post like that and realising that I would have a massive say in recruitment at my new college so their previous slights might come back and bite them.

I tried to stay in touch with as many people as I could (and I stole some to work at Monoux) but I miss so many of them. Plus, it was farewell to shorts and T-shirts at work and an office where we would play music and laugh as we worked.

Rehab

Because we’ll see the mountains tumble

1945 to 1965 – the baby boomers. The result of post-World War 2 happiness and, later, prosperity. My Dad was born 10 months before the start of this and I was born 8 months after this, I always think one of us ought to be a Boomer but we do not fit. My Mum is a Boomer (and this is not about you Mum if you are reading this). This is the boomers and the next generation – we do not have a name like Gen X, Gen Z or Millenials. We are the Post Boomers and it applies to people born up to about 1980 (well it does as far as this is concerned).

The world changes a lot during any lifetime but someone (I think it was Neil Gaiman) said that the speed of this is accelerating. If you took someone out of 1300 and planted them in 1600 they would pretty much understand what was going on – the world was not that different. Now imagine someone from 1920 transplanted to 2020. A world where cinema has barely started, electricity is still not common, cars are relatively uncommon. There is no central heating or modern kitchen appliances, no IT or internet. I think this makes it harder as you age – older people have always been bemused by the behaviour of the young, but the way the world works is changing so completely. The comic 2000AD used the term “Future Shock” to describe people who became mentally unstable due to this. It makes it incredibly hard for people as they age and the verities of their youth are destroyed – nostalgia for “simpler times” is bloody dangerous.

I am not going to be nice about Boomers and post Boomers. Boomers did live through post World War 2 austerity, though they often sound like they lived through the war itself – the references online and by politicians to Blitz spirit from people whose parents did not even live through the blitz are self-serving bullshit. The Boomers and Post Boomers have worked hard, but we have also reaped the benefits of prosperity and technological innovation. In the UK the biggest part of this is in property, as planning regulations have raised the value of their houses, meaning young people have little or no chance of getting on the property ladder without rich parents.

We have reaped the benefits of technology but left the bill to young people in the form of climate change. (Anyone who thinks it is fake is deluded – I can see the substantial in the British climate in my lifetime). The greenhouse gases have come in the period when Boomers and Post Boomers ran and run the world. The response of many appears to be to either blame young people for using IT and wanting technology (even though that is the world they have given them) or blaming China for using coal now. Even if you ignore the fact that it is ONE PLANET and that saying someone else is shit so we all should all be is not viable, it ignores the fact that the West has already done its share of the damage (actually way more than its fair share) and countries like India and China are looking to raise the standard of living of their citizens. It appears that these people are happy for those people to stay living in poverty. I wonder if it would be different if they were white?

We do not inherit the Earth, we hold it on trust for our descendants. All of us over the age of 40 should take a long hard look at ourselves. We have fucked the Earth and our kids and grandchildren will have to deal with it. Why is it that old white men hate Greta Thunberg so much? Because she is telling them the truth – they have destroyed the environment. She is not the problem, nor are the children who went on school strike, the Boomers and post Boomers are the problem. We are the ones who have to change things now, not just leave our descendants to face a burning world with mass migration from the equator north and south.

The Drake equation is a formula that tries to work out how many alien civilizations may exist in the galaxy. One term in it is the probability a civilization does not wipe itself out in war or other catastrophe. As yet no alien civilizations have been detected, which means something in the Drake equation is limiting their existence – it could be this factor (it could also be the chance that life actually evolves in the first place or that intelligence is a likely outcome of life).

I worry daily what will happen to my children, nieces and their children in the next 80 years as vast swathes of the Earth become uninhabitable, there will be war and mass migration from equatorial regions with resulting famine and misery. Yet people (and far more older people than young people) vote for climate change deniers like the Orange Goblin Trump. The world has changed and will not change back to some kind of 1950s paradise of polluting full employment where everyone is a WASP.

Compared to that social issues seem less important, but they aren’t to the people affected by them. What is socially acceptable changes with time. Racism and homophobia were once acceptable. Now they are very definitely not. Trans phobia is the one for my generation – many people seem to not consider being transphobic an issue. Sadly the older you are the more likely discrimination appears acceptable Still you see things like Gollies – captioned with things like “It was ok when I was young, share if you love this”. Two problems – it is clickbait from extreme right groups, secondly it was never ok – you just did not know people who were upset or offended by this. Or beaten up for being black or Asian. Offensive words are offensive even if you don’t find them so. Being an ignorant twat in the past does not give you an excuse to be one in the twenty first century.

(Also – if any post you are tempted to share on social media compares anyone to an immigrant and asks why we fund them rather than soldiers/ the NHS/ veterans – it is from a far right group and it is racist. Ask yourself why people are immigrants and why the UK is so rich. Exploitation of those countries is a big part of it. If You say All Lives Matter not Black Lives Matter then you either just do not understand why there is an issue or you are a racist.)

If you are white go watch Noughts and Crosses. It is not a perfect program, but see how you feel with roles reversed – where the stereotypes are white people and the police routinely beat and kill white people.

Not all Boomers and Post Boomers are like this (and the younger they are the less likely they are like this) are like this – but sadly there remain many who are.

The fallout of Covid-19 will last many years. Largely the measures are to protect the older people, especially those over 70. If Covid-19 killed over 65s like under 65s we would not be locked down. Then when it is suggested that older, retired people should stay locked down while everyone else goes back to work organisations scream that this is unfair. There is no reason that young people should pay for the economic consequences of this crisis.

Concrete and Clay

A Powerful Feeling

I am crap at football. Even to call me average would mean that you have to describe Mike as Messi-like (sadly not really true). I do not have much ability at any sport but I tried to make up for it by thinking about what was going on and trying hard. I once won a swimming club medley by knowing which stroke every width of the pool would be when my competitors stopped to think. The instructor was not happy and told me that I had won because I thought in advance and not that I was good at swimming (true, but not what to say to an eleven year old).

1981. Meridian school games lessons were bleak if the weather was bad. The school fields backed onto the country and bad weather swept in across the fields. If conditions were bad the girls stayed inside and the boys went outside. My only plus point in football lessons was that I did not mind playing in defence (everyone who was any good wanted to play in midfield or up front) and actually stayed there. Too short to play in the middle I was usually right back. This meant that I marked another boy who was left wing for the county team. I did it doggedly, not having any great success but slowing him enough to annoy him. It was obvious that he expected to shine in what, for him, was a silly game. He turned up the heat and had me twisting and turning, finally I went over and felt a burning in my ankle. I assumed it was twisted and our Deputy Head, Mr Dove (an imposing man), who was supervising several activities due to staff absence, told me to run it off. It was a sprain and running it off was not the best idea.

I did not run anywhere and by the time we had showered and ready to go home my ankle bone had vanished under the swelling. My stepmother, Anne, was furious when she saw it after I had walked a mile home. It was the last day before the week’s half term holiday (over which I was laid up) but I believe that Mr Dove had a very interesting discussion with her when school was back. I definitely got treated far more politely than other pupils from that day on.

1989 and I sprained the other ankle. After the pubs closed in Brightlingsea we would go from the Sun pub to the Sun Ho Chinese takeaway around the corner. Satay Beef with chips – lovely after a lot of lager. And a spoon. We would sit and eat in the bus shelter that marked the end of the bus line with the sea lapping not far away. While it was cooking we would play fives with a football that we took – annoying local people at the banging against a wooden wall.

(Bus seller on the left with the clock on the roof).

The night in question we were slightly drunker than usual and decided to play football on the road. No doubt due to the lager I was feeling like I could actually play. I tore down an imaginary right wing and shaped to cross. My foot caught in a pothole and I went down with a sprain on the other ankle. The boys helped me home. On Monday the doctor told me to take two weeks off work, I was forced back after two days – more on that another time.

1991. We had joined the Brightlingsea Rotaract (a junior Rotary Club) and there was a mixed 5 a side football tournament planned with other branches. The female members wanted a practice session so we booked the Royal London Leisure Centre in Colchester. Only the boys turned up, which annoyed us, but we decided to practice three a side. We were playing rush goal keepers, something I hate, if I play in goal I want to stay there. The others could see that so I decided to use it – I dribbled out and shaped to pass. Andy bought the dummy and I ran the length of the hall and scored. A couple of minutes later I tried again, this time as Andy and another guy converged on me I was going to pass – giving my team a two on one advantage, As I passed Andy went through me and the 1981 ankle was sprained again. This was just 21 days before we were going on our holiday and Dave had sprained his ankle too in the same session. We were worried how that would affect us on the holiday. Luckily it didn’t😊

In Yer Face

Just Take Your Seat and Hold On Tight

Once Upon a time Shazam did not exist. Not the original Shazam (aka Billy Batson aka Captain Marvel) the app Shazam. This is Captain Marvel.

Most people are going – “hang on – that is Shazam, Captain Marvel is one played by Brie Larson”. Not originally it wasn’t. Superman was incredibly popular in the early 1940s so Fawcett Comics created Captain Marvel, who quickly went on to sell more than Superman (Marvel Comics were not called Marvel until the 1960s).

National Comics (as DC were known then) were hacked off and sued, lord knows what they would have done with characters like Hyperion or Supreme – both are far more direct, let’s say, homages of Superman. National won and Captain Marvel was gone in 1953.

In the 1960s Stan Lee created Captain Marvel, after shutting down another version of it published by a company that did not make much of a mark. This was Mar-Vell (male, not Annette Being as in the film).

He died of cancer in 1982 (coincidentally the radiation that killed him was in one of the two issues of his comic I owned). For copyright reasons Marvel needed a Captain Marvel – DC had acquired the rights to Shazam! in the 1970s and had had to publish under that title – but the character was still called Captain Marvel.

(If you think Captain Marvel Junior is jokey then you will love Mary Marvel and Uncle Marvel).

So Monica Rambeau became Marvel’s new Captain Marvel. Score a point for diversity, but she had no link to Mar-Vell. Meanwhile Carol Danvers was Ms Marvel – as a Danvers fan I was pissed off. Eventually Monica was rebranded as Photon (her call sign in the film, hopefully we will see Photon in the sequel).

Mar-Vell’s son, Genis, took the role for a while in a comic written by Peter David – it never made a big splash.

Finally – as a consequence of the House of M storyline – Carol was made the Captain, much to my happiness. (House of M was a world where the Scarlet Witch changed all of reality to one where mutants rule the world, with Magneto as President, and Carol was the premier superhero – yes Wanda is that damn powerful).

This is the simple bit of the Captain Marvel story – more on it another time.

The app Shazam. Before it existed if you did not know what a song was you had to ask friends or hope you heard it on the radioand the DJ actually said what it was . One song I could not pin down was used as an instrumental section on BBC television football shows. This was even harder as there were no lyrics to quote to people. John Hawkins was my best bet in those days. I think it is a testament to my lack of musical skills and not his judgment that his suggestion was Unfinished Sympathy by Massive Attack.

The Lightning Seeds are best known for their two versions of the English football lament Three Lions. The first refers to 30 years of hurt since the 1966 world cup win. It is now 54 years and England were never closer than in 1996 when it was released – I still can’t watch Gascoigne poking out a foot to prod in the cross against Germany in extra time – agonisingly short.

This was the song.

The Life of Riley

As I Pass a Faded Destination

Autumn 1992 and I had to find a job. I got some serious experience of interviewing (I have already talked about the one where I advised the interviewers about their errors). I had one at the Drama Centre in North London. An offshoot of the Central School for Speech and Drama – at the time it was based in Prince of Wales Road, Chalk Farm. The Principal was mostly worried about whether I could handle being bullied by drama teachers. He would have preferred it if I was a youngest child not oldest. He is right – working in Colleges showed me that drama teachers can be incredible bullies, whilst being the loveliest people on Earth – Annie Cornbleet at NewVIc epitomised it for me (and she had had an incredibly interesting life that included living on a nude hippie colony in Greece in the 70s). The Drama Centre moved in 2003 and has now been absorbed by St Martins University now.

(Annie still looks totally like a head of Drama).

I did not walk out of that interview. I was too young and desperate to have the confidence to do that. By 2004 that was not the case. I was interviewed at Newham College of Further Education and they asked me if I had ever been subject to a compromise agreement for stealing. My response was, “I haven’t but I bet you have issued some.” In fact, there had been two. I told them it was not for me. A South African named Innes Campbell got the job, a man I was to periodically run across for many years.

In 2013 I went for a job at Lambeth College – the advert had said that the Board of Governors and the Principal were in total agreement and there was a settled team of managers for the postholder to run. The managers were temps or leaving and the Principal and Chair spent 20 minutes arguing when they were meant to be interviewing me. At the lunch break I said it was not for me and left.

2016 and it was South East Essex College. This time the job had been advertised in a very disingenuous way. I was worried that there was no campus tour and no chance to talk to students. In the candidate base room we realised the job was likely to be short term as the College was merging. I removed myself from consideration (and I was not the only one to do that).

In 2018 I should have walked out of Waltham Forest College, but I really liked the (then) Principal, Penny. Penny left and the College immediately declined back to its poor performance that was its normal since 1993. The interview day lasted 10 hours. They thought I was arrogant – that I did not show them that I was desperate to work there (the company running the interviews told me this). I thought they were arrogant and rude, not answering questions about merger plans (they were planning to, though it fell through, and I was interested in job security) and not giving me any reason to go there. Out of respect for Penny I did not walk out but I called and asked them not to consider me. The only other candidate got the job and stayed less than two years.

As autumn turned to winter in 1992 I had three interviews in one week. An insolvency role in Ipswich, as part a team of accountants at an insurance firm in Chelmsford and an interview at Newham Sixth Form College. The College would not be independent until 1^st April 1993 but they wanted to be ahead of the game and the government had decreed every College had to have a qualified accountant.

After a horrible 2 hour journey to the College, running late so I had to get a taxi from Plaistow tube station, I was one of 24 at the first interview. This was my last interview of the week (and the latest of over 20 in three months). I went first as I had so far to travel. As I was unemployed I took the opportunity to ask Satnam (see https://fivemilesout.home.blog/2020/05/15/listen-to-what-i-say/) for my expenses (£22.20).

I got a second interview and was told that when I had emerged from the fuirst interviewI had been so confident it put loads of people off (in fact many were not qualified for the job but were being redeployed by the Council and got an interview by right). I was lucky that a man called Chris Firmin dropped out after round one – he was a far better candidate than me but did not want to travel (his journey was half mine).

When Bill Barker called to offer me the job I took 24 hours to consider my offers. No offers for months and then three in a week. NewVIc was by the far the furthest away, but it was a chance to start my own operation in a new sector. Satnam later told me that he was impressed that I asked for my expenses – he wanted an accountant who took care of money. The Principal, Sid Hughes, was on the second panel. One of the questions was to explain depreciation (writing off capital assets over a period of years rather than charging the cost in the year of purchase). When I left the college in 2007 Sid told the crowd that I must have explained the concept to him a hundred times and he still did not get it. Pretty sure he did.

(NewVIc staff July 1993 – I’m in the row second from the back, third in from the right side in the white T shirt and to my right are Diane and then Nikki, two people that have have had a big influence on my life.)

If you are employed:

When filling in an application make sure you address everyone point of the job description – do it with bullet points, when someone is shortlisting it makes it easy for them and gives you a better chance of getting an interview
Don’t take as job unless they convince you that it is right for you
Never take a job where they say you can define the role
Do not be afraid to walk away during the day – do not stay out of politeness, it wastes everyone’s time
Do not be afraid to ask for expenses or the salary you deserve
Do ask about culture
Remember you are being assessed every moment you are on the premises
Do speak to staff and ask for a tour of the premises
Do not be bounced into a decision.

Every Mother’s Friend. Ecstasy Mother Fuckers. EMF claimed both as their names – I suspect given rave culture it is the latter. Everyone knows Unbelievable, but their second album is much better and this is the standout track from Autumn 1992.

She Bleeds

Nothing Has Been Proved

The Profumo scandal still exerts a curious hold on British history and culture. A British cabinet minister, John Profumo, had a brief sexual relationship with a young woman (Christine Keeler) who, I believe, accepted gifts from him, but was not paid for sex per se (if accepting gifts was the definition of prostitution then there is a lot of it about). She also slept with a Russian embassy attaché. This allowed a national security angle to be used as justification for a story about young women and sex. Christine Keeler went to prison for perjury and led a chaotic life afterwards. Her mentor, Stephen Ward, committed suicide before the verdict of his trial for living on immoral earnings came in (by any modern standards the trial was a disgrace, but the establishment protects its own).

(Christine Keller – not nude, however it looks).

Profumo lost his job for lying to the House of Commons (these days it is de rigeur for ministers, even the Prime Minister, to do that) but did charity work and was rehabilitated, to the extent that he was awarded a CBE by the Queen at Buckingham Palace. No such redemption was there for Keeler, the victim in the affair.

There have been at least two dramatisations of the events – the film Scandal in 1989 and the recent TV series The Trial of Christine Keeler. The former starred Joanne Whalley and John Hurt, the latter James Norton and Sophie Cookson, heavyweight stuff. (It was also tangentially featured in The Crown. The Duke of Edinburgh was alleged to be involved in underground sex parties, he definitely had multiple affairs in the 1950s, as part of an upper class group who believed the rules that bound the plebs did not apply to them – sadly not something that has changed in British society).

(Joanne Whalley)

Putting aside the misogyny of the Profumo affair a question that frequently bothers me is how true how are these dramatisations? There are many dramas based on real events and as I get older they cover events that I lived through. Often you see a disclaimer that they are based on a real story (the recent film Bad Education does this and changes the story in many ways, but it was not a famous story in the way that others are).

The stunning TV series Chernobyl, which if you have not seen you really should, admits that it combined some characters to simplify the narrative. Mostly this was to use one scientist rather than a team. Apart from that it was, horrifyingly, accurate.

Then there is the film Bohemian Rhapsody (BR). Jukebox musicals started at the theatre with shows like Mama Mia, taking a famous artist’s songs and constructing a story round them (Queen had it done with We Will Rock You). The next step appears to be making a film of a famous group or artist’s life, which has the benefit of a built in fanbase plus a huge number of famous songs.

There comes a point where changes to the story aren’t just a simplification of the narrative but actually rewrite history. This is particularly egregious as many people will see it as a true story and believe the lie that they have been fed.

At the start of BR it is implied Freddy just met the other members of Queen and they are not sure about him. In fact, he had known the band for over a year and had been singing in other bands.

The marriage proposal was far more lighthearted in the movie than in real life, which underplays his homosexuality (and in some countries the director edited it out totally). Believe me, no one in the late 70s and early 80s doubted Freddie was gay, even though he only came out on his death bed.

Worst though it shows Queen breaking up after Hot Space (admittedly a poor album by any measure – does anyone remember Bodylanguage?). Then it shows Freddie wanting to get back together for Live Aid as he had been diagnosed with AIDs. Queen never broke up – in fact, their tour ended just weeks before the show. The AIDs diagnosis was years later. This conflation of outright lies appears to just be to show Freddie hitting bottom and then having a reconciliation with his faux family and a triumph at Live Aid.

What a pile of bollocks. Let’s not get started on Rocketman. At least it takes a more fantastical look at Elton John’s life using him as an unreliable narrator.

On a more serious note there is the film Munich. This probably Stephen Spielberg’s least successful film, though it got some Oscar nominations. It is not the story of the 1972 Black September terrorist attack on Israeli athletes at the Munich Olympics. It is the story of Israel’s illegal operation to hunt down and execute Black September members that they believed had been involved in the planning (not the actual operation – the German army killed all of them). It is misleading because it looks like, despite its illegality, it is justified vengeance. It leaves out the fact that they executed at least one man who was nothing to do with it. A totally innocent victim – leaving this out is materially distorting of the image of the assassins.

How close to reality should dramatisations be? How far should be able to move away before they should have a bloody huge disclaimer on them? In a world of short attention spans and easy media consumption it appears the norm will become sanitised, easy versions of history. Like a children’s version of an adult novel.

Dusty Springfield did the music for Scandal, as part of a deserved 1980s comeback. This is from the 60s.

I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself

Royale with Cheese

I did a family quiz recently and was shocked that there were many of them who had not seen a Quentin Tarantino film (I mean you Saxon and Harriet). Now I understand Tarantino is a problematic figure. His films do not usually feature strong depictions of women and he does seem to have a thing about feet. There is the violence, the use of the word “nigger” and his long-time relationship with arch abuser Harvey Weinstein.

As I said in an earlier post – if someone is talented, and you like their work, the temptation is to look past this.

At one stage Tarantino said that he would make ten movies and quit. He wrote Natural Born Killers, but did not direct it. Depending on how you count the others he has either done eight, nine or ten.

10. Death Proof. This a homage to early 70s exploitation movies, made as part of Grindhouse. It has a good cast including Kurt Russell, Rosario Dawson and Rose McGowan (probably the strongest female cast of any of his films). It is fun, but not unless you are familiar with the genre. Don’t bother unless you are a fan.

9. Inglorious Basterds. This one had a complex genesis because Tarantino couldn’t get the ending right and it took ten years to get to screen. It shows – unless you know the twist ending it seems like a massive cheat. It may be better if you go in knowing it is an alternative history – it undercuts his weakest “proper” film for me.

8. Once Upon a Time In Hollywood. This has received massive critical acclaim, yet uses the same twist as Inglorious Basterds. Even worse it takes a real story with a woman at the centre and instead tells a story with Brad Pitt and Leo DiCaprio as the main characters. They are incredibly good in it and it is a great depiction of 1969 Los Angeles. Presumably that is why the critics loved it so much.

7/6. Kill Bill 1 and Kill Bill 2. Uma Thurman is the Bride. Is it one film or is two? That may depend on how many Tarantino wants to make. It is a homage to so many schlock genres, including an anime sequence. Incredibly violent, the plot is probably the least important thing here. Beautifully stylish and it does what Death Proof doesn’t – makes an exploitation movie that does not require a love of the genre to enjoy.

5. Reservoir Dogs. Tarantino’s first directed movie. Stylistically different from the others- it far less humour than other Tarantino films, though Tarantino’s flair for dialogue is already evident. Pretty much a totally male, cast it depicts the aftermath of a robbery gone wrong. There is one particularly blood curdling scene which sensitive people should avoid. Huge levels of violence and swearing – a great debut.

4. Jackie Brown. The follow up to Pulp Fiction is the adaption of an Elmore Leonard novel – his only film that is based on another work. Pam Grier, queen of the Blaxploitation movies, returns in a high-profile role. Michael Keaton, Samuel L. Jackson and Robert De Niro are part of a great cast.

3. The Hateful Eight. Absolute tour de force from Samuel L. Jackson in Tarantino’s second western thriller. In many ways this is the perfect Tarantino movie, combining elements from all of his films in a coherent whole.

2. Django Unchained. Jamie Foxx leads in a western bounty hunter story that shows the slavery of the South before the Civil War. Gruelling, painful but never less than enthralling.

1. Pulp Fiction. Everyone should watch this film. It resurrected John Travolta’s career. It was a revelation for Bruce Willis. Its structure is breath-taking and the dialogue as sharp as any seen in cinema. If you like films, you have to watch this. By turns scary, funny and brutal.

I first heard this in Pulp Fiction in the wonderful diner scene with Travolta and Thurman.

Misiriou

Maybe you know some little places to go to

I liked the fact that in Royston there was a book shop, a record shop and a twice weekly market that I could get to without having to rely on anyone else. Brightlingsea was too small for any of these things, Colchester was not but I was reliant on getting a lift in or using the bus (despite it only being 10 miles the bus took about an hour as it meandered around villages). I was so disgruntled with the move that I had been told that of course we would have to go to Colchester every Saturday. As various social activities started for the family (particularly the Sailing Club) the frequency decreased.

Colchester did not have a decent second-hand bookshop when we moved there. Clacton did, a fact I found out the day after we moved. We had no kitchen when we moved in to the house in Lower Park Road and had to eat out for several days. Though this did include many trips to a local Little Chef (it had a poor reputation, but as a chain of roadside diners I always thought it was good value for money), we also went to a more up market restaurant in Clacton. In a side alley opposite there was a shop that had several out of print books by HP Lovecraft and Robert Bloch, as well as other horror writers. Buses to Clacton were pretty rare – at one stage it got so bad that you if you went on a Saturday the first return would be Tuesday!

My one dollar find — The Horror in the Museum and other tales by ...

The lack of a good second-hand source of books was exacerbated by the small size of the library in Brightlingsea. Fortunately, I had a huge unread supply of books and I used money I got for birthday and Christmas to buy books. Eventually a good second-hand bookshop opened in Colchester – there is still a bookshop in Trinity Street (beautiful old buildings) but not in the same place.

WH Smiths was the main place to go for books in Colchester until Waterstones arrived. WHS was an all-round entertainment store in those days – newspapers, magazines, sweets, stationery, music and books. These days the stores have been slimmed down and are far more open – only selling a small choice of best sellers. Back then the whole first floor was a densely shelved cornucopia of books. They also sold LPs and singles. This was at the back of the ground floor and consisted of closely packed record boxes. One of the great things was that they had a bargain bin of ex chart (or never charted singles) plus a cheap line of reissues of old singles. WHS was not the only all rounder store – in those days Boots the Chemist, now totally focussed on health and beauty, had a record section (and one or two of the larger ones had books too – my grandfather worked them and got a discounts so when I was out with my grandparents I always scoured Boots for anything I wanted).

Colchester Post Office in North Hill is to close, and open in WH ...

By 1984 Colchester had specialist book shops and even a comic shop. Specialist shops and the internet have made WHS a shadow if its former self – mainly focussed on smaller shops. Shame.

One record I found in the bargain bin was this classic. Zero credibility points for liking it and no one knew I had bought it for ages.

Downtown

Through all the Raging Glory of the Years

Michael is a bigger fan of the Alarm than I am. I could settle for just having one track from them.

The Alarm were a group from Wales. When I got the job at Monoux I went for a couple of days to visit and get to know my managers (I had a three month notice period). Being a shy person (these days people do not believe it, I have just learnt to bullshit) I was nervous. Of course they all were too – my predecessor had been there 14 years and I was coming from a College that they pretty much hated.

Nigel was the Estates Manager. His team were based in the old caretaker’s house at the front of the College. I was dressed in a suit (I had realised that my new role demanded it – at NewVIc I always wore jeans and a T shirt, life was more casual there), he was in their uniform – polo shirt and trousers. I looked around his office and there were rugby posters and Cardiff City posters. We did not really talk about work and spent the entire hour talking about rugby. That was Nigel and me sorted and we are still talking about Rugby 13 years later.

I love rugby union – and Nigel is Welsh so that is it. Rugby fans tend to be less parochial than fans of other sports (I’m looking at you football). Fans mix at the grounds and there is appreciation of good play and good players from the other team.

I discovered rugby when I was young. I saw the famous All Blacks match against the Barbarians (the British and Irish Lions in all but name) in 1973. It was stunning. Still makes my hair stand up on end. Bear in mind that Phil Bennett in the number 10 shirt, whilst a brilliant player, was there in place of Barry John who had retired from the game at just 27 (the game was amateur then). Bennett was the Prince, but John was the King. It is sad that Barbarians games have lost their central place in the calendar (Barbarian teams can include anyone, but must have at least one player not capped at international level, they wear the same kit but their club socks). This team was built around the Welsh masters of the 1970s and was similar to the British and Irish Lions team that famously beat the All Blacks two years earlier.

Rugby is expanding across the world at last, but England should dominate the world given the relative sizes of the countries, but doesn’t even manage to dominate the smaller talent pools of Wales, Ireland and Scotland. English rugby was a disaster throughout the 1980s. Every year it seemed like England could win the Five Nations and repeatedly things went terribly wrong. There was the terrible 1986 match at Murrayfield were England’s forwards were destroyed by a rampant Scot’s pack, losing 33-6, yet the selectors dropped almost all the backs and retained the pack!

The 1989 final match of the season at the Arms Park where England lost their blind side flanker to injury in the first minute and only had an open side on the bench. The underpowered back row was beaten up by a Welsh pack that England should have dominated. Not only losing the match, second place in the championship but failing to break their run of failures at the Arms Park since the early 70s.

There were occasional high points. The 1988 season had looked like it could be a good one, yet England lost 10-9 at Parc De Prince and 11-3 at home to Wales. Against Ireland in the last match (and Ireland were woeful that year) England got to half time 3-0 down, having their captain, Nigel Melville, go off injured. The second half was scintillating. Rory Underwood had been moved to the right wing to accommodate Chris Oti on the left. Underwood had barely got a pass all season and then had to watch Oti being fed three tries. Underwood eventually got two as well, England running out 35-3 winners.

Probably the most soul-destroying year was 1990. Under new management the team played amazing rugby beating Ireland 23-0 and Wales 34-6 at home, plus winning in Paris 26-7. The final match was against Scotland at Murrayfield – Scotland had scraped through three wins, 13-10, 13-9 and 21-0 (ok that last one was not scraped) so the match was for the Grand Slam. England lost to a more streetwise team 13-7 (though I still maintain Tony Stanger’s try had a knock on in the build-up).

Scotland beat their old enemy but really rugby lost that day. England won four championships in the next six years (including three Grand Slams) but they moved to paying risk averse, dull rugby rather than the glorious running style of 1990. The one time they tried to run again, in the final of the 1991 World Cup, Australia beat them (though David Campese’s knock on should have resulted in a penalty try which could have made the score a tie).

England’s 1991 redemptive win of the Five Nations was lit up by a French try – England only scored penalties. This Saint-Andre try is magnificent.

France used to do this a lot – this is even better, it even has a name, The Try from the End of the World. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJfvfx0titc

All the success that has come to England since 1990 is what the fans deserved after the almost unremitting under achievement and poor selection in the 70s and 80s. The wheel turned as the dominant Welsh teams gave way to poor teams,

This one is for Nigel and our extended rugby discussions. He doesn’t talk about it, but he served in Northern Ireland and the Falklands. The man’s a hero. And a top guy.

68 Guns

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekBxhGS7i4I